Because Stephen is a very, very repressed man.

On the left: the part of his brain which, in the diagram from the Making of the On Notice Boards film, was labeled "Repressed Homosexual Urges." The name is his "hypothetical gay porn name". He's kind of a pushy bottom. And, yes, he's eating a baby carrot.

In the center: the idealized pundit image that he presents to the world, wielding symbols of masculinity, aggression, strength, and faith. Pure white suit; no stains to hide here. The word "warrior-poet" has been in the opening of the show for a long time now, so it's adopted here.

And on the right: It isn't just sexuality that he's hiding. From I Am America: "Sure, [my parents] could be a little strict, but I often look back fondly on the memories I haven't repressed." So here we have the other traits besides sexuality that his parents discouraged, traits that he tried to leave behind along with the hard T at the end of his name. Age seven, which in Catholicism is the age from which you are responsible for your own sins.

He's in pieces, is our Stephen. My heart goes out to him.